Why True Love does not exist
Love has become a powerful tool that conquers peoples’ emotions, and at the end of many romantic relationships, the majority of the people have ended up in pains. If love is a beautiful thing, why do some people get hurt by the mere fact that they broke up? Let us try and be real for a second: we have been trying to define and understand love since the world came into existence, yet up to date, seemingly we have not yet known the true identity of love. Fairy stories about the dazzling princesses have filled our imaginations for ages now. The printing press is also full of many love stories, and often, people want to have the exact love relationships they see in others. Based on a 2010 Pew Research survey, nearly six in ten people want to get married, and 84 per cent of unmarried individuals feel that love is a very significant reason to marry (Fredrickson, 2013). Basically, many people are looking for love and romantic relationships’ partners who would not walk away but would remain true, committed and faithful in the relationship. However, this has seemed to be hard because almost daily, people undergo breakups, and the person you thought was meant for you is actually meant for someone else. Therefore, I find it to be untrue that true love exists and let us explore various reasons that justify my point of view.
To begin, at times, love may feel terrific, especially for those in romantic relationships. Fredrickson (2013) argues that harsh realities have shattered many peoples’ ideal concept of true love. First and foremost, I would like to define true love because I believe many of you may be wondering about the meaning of true love. What is true love and what separates it from non-true love? I define love by its ability of endurance. It does not arise quickly or goes away quickly. Chan (2016) says that it is generated from a deep sense of caring and wanting to remain close until eternity. By contrast, “true love” is not only defined by loyalty and dedication, but also by compatibility (Tarmarkin & Felman, 2020). Essentially, love is a feeling, whereas, true love is beyond a feeling, but a situation of two individuals being true to one another and being compatible in many ways that are meant to lead them into a lifelong relationship.
One of the basic reasons to justify why true love does not exist is the simple fact that people are very different from one another. Even though as human beings, we most similarities in our DNA structures, we still possess certain differences (Collins & Van Dulmen, 2015). The differences we possess seem to be qualitative and hard to measure; thus, we cannot quantize the differences. Let us consider a case of two people who are physically attracted to one another and have similar hobbies (Tarmarkin & Felman, 2020). In this case, for example, one of them may want children while the other may not. Consequently, a disagreement such as this may break their relationship, regardless of it being one point. Therefore, for the relationships to function well, individuals must be quite similar to one another based in what they are and what they want.
Let us consider the common statement that “loving someone implies loving their imperfections too.” Many people have used this, yet still, they end up in breakups. If true love is meant to go beyond someone’s imperfections, would we still have ending relationships? Certainly, not, because there would be no apparent reason to hate your partner. Therefore, loving their imperfections may be true, but may remain limited to a certain point. If somebody has a prominent scar or any other physical defect, it becomes a part of them, and if you really love the person, then you will love the defects in him or her as part of trademark appearance (Fredrickson, 2013). However, what if your partner was cruel to children? If they abuse people but remain perfect in other things, would you still love them? I think this is a serious test for the existence of true love because in most cases, people have broken up due to one reason, for example, not being able to put up with abusive partners (Chan, 2016). Therefore, my point is that no matter how much you love someone, there is always a limit to how much you are willing to go or tolerate and the differences you are willing to tolerate before you start to feel like you want to quit from the relationship (Hanh, 2006). It may also get worse if you only have unusual properties that you value in your partner.
I have observed that the only sure way that people can use to succeed in long-term relationships is by relinquishing the demand for perfection. As human beings, we are imperfect, and so we should not expect to love perfect beings(Hanh, 2006). The quest for wanting a perfect partner has caused so many breakups in very stable relationships. Because of this, I believe if we cannot love people with their imperfections, one truth that stands out is that true love does not exist, and probably it will never exist at any given point.
Coming to a close, I know that everyone wants to experience true love and perhaps we can give it a try. Otherwise, the concept of true love will only remain a statement and not a practical concept. People have many differences, and unless we tolerate and embrace all imperfections in others, true love is impossible. Alternatively, let me provide hope to some people that you can as well decide to build a love relationship based on mutual respect and love. Then the choice remains yours.
References
Chan, A. M. (2016). What Do We Talk About When We Talk About Love? True Love, Passionate Love, and Pining in the Short Fiction of Raymond Carver and Tobias Wolff (Doctoral dissertation, California Institute of Technology).
Collins, W. A., & Van, Dulmen, M. (2015). The course of true love (s)…. Origins and pathways in the development of romantic relationships. In A. Booth, AC Crouter, & A. Snyder (Eds.), Romance and sex in adolescence and emerging adulthood: Risks and opportunities, 63-86.
Hanh, T. N. (2006). True love: A practice for awakening the heart. Shambhala Publications.
Tarmarkin, A., & Felman, A. (2020). “There is no such thing as One True Love- and Here’s Why that’s awesome.” Greatist.
Fredrickson, B. (2013). “Love 2.0: How our supreme emotion affects everything we feel, think, do, and become.” Avery.